Forgiveness Doesn’t Change the Past. It Changes What the Past Does to You.
Updated: 12 hours ago
I am often asked, “How could you possibly forgive the two young people who were involved in bullying Ryan?”
Whether I’m speaking at a public school or a private school, my answer is the same. I believe Ryan is with God. And I believe in forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was acceptable. It does not erase the pain, excuse someone’s behavior, or pretend that the harm never occurred. What happened to Ryan was wrong, and the consequences of it changed our family forever.
But I eventually came to understand that holding on to anger would not bring Ryan back. It would only allow the hurt to continue taking something from me.
Forgiveness was something I needed to do for myself.
I had a choice. I could spend the rest of my life carrying anger and resentment toward the people who hurt my son, or I could choose to let that anger go. I chose forgiveness.
That does not mean I forgot. A father could never forget. It means I decided that anger would not be allowed to define the rest of my life.
My faith helped me tremendously with that decision. I believe Ryan is with God, and I believe that forgiveness is part of what God asks of us. But even for someone who may not share my faith, I think there is an important lesson here:
Forgiveness is a much better state of mind.
When we hold on to hatred, we continue giving the person who hurt us power over our lives. Forgiveness can be the moment when we begin taking that power back.
That is one of the lessons Ryan’s life has taught me, and it is one I try to leave with every student I meet.
- John Halligan, father of Ryan Halligan
About Ryan’s Story
This reflection on forgiveness after bullying is part of the message John Halligan shares through Ryan’s Story, honoring his son, Ryan Patrick Halligan. His school assemblies address bullying, cyberbullying, empathy and suicide prevention.
Comments