Forgiveness: A Journey Through Grief and Healing
Updated: Oct 17
I am often asked, “How could you possibly forgive the two young people who were involved in bullying Ryan?”
Whether I’m speaking at a public school or a private school, my answer is the same. I believe Ryan is with God. And I believe in forgiveness.
Understanding Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was acceptable. It does not erase the pain, excuse someone’s behavior, or pretend that the harm never occurred. What happened to Ryan was wrong, and the consequences of it changed our family forever.
But I eventually came to understand that holding on to anger would not bring Ryan back. It would only allow the hurt to continue taking something from me.
Forgiveness was something I needed to do for myself. I had a choice. I could spend the rest of my life carrying anger and resentment toward the people who hurt my son, or I could choose to let that anger go. I chose forgiveness.
The Weight of Anger
That does not mean I forgot. A father could never forget. It means I decided that anger would not be allowed to define the rest of my life.
My faith helped me tremendously with that decision. I believe Ryan is with God, and I believe that forgiveness is part of what God asks of us. But even for someone who may not share my faith, I think there is an important lesson here:
Forgiveness is a much better state of mind.
When we hold on to hatred, we continue giving the person who hurt us power over our lives. Forgiveness can be the moment when we begin taking that power back.
Lessons from Ryan's Life
That is one of the lessons Ryan’s life has taught me, and it is one I try to leave with every student I meet. I want them to understand that forgiveness is not just a gift to others; it is a gift to ourselves.
By choosing to forgive, I have found peace. I have learned to focus on the love and memories I have of Ryan rather than the pain of his loss.
The Importance of Empathy
In my assemblies, I emphasize the importance of empathy. Understanding each other's feelings can help prevent bullying. When we empathize with others, we create a supportive environment. This is crucial in schools where students often feel isolated.
I encourage students to reach out to one another. A simple act of kindness can change someone's day. It can even save a life.
Building a Supportive Community
Creating a supportive community is essential. I believe that when we work together, we can combat bullying and cyberbullying. It takes all of us to foster a culture of respect and kindness.
I share stories of Ryan and the impact of bullying to illustrate the importance of standing up for one another. I want students to know that they are not alone. There are people who care and want to help.
Seeking Help and Support
If you or someone you know is struggling, I urge you to seek help. There is no shame in asking for support. Whether it's talking to a trusted adult, a counselor, or a friend, reaching out can make a difference.
I often remind students that it’s okay to not be okay. Acknowledging our feelings is the first step toward healing.
Conclusion
In conclusion, forgiveness is a powerful tool. It has helped me navigate my grief and find a way to honor Ryan's memory. I hope to inspire others to embrace forgiveness and empathy. Together, we can create a brighter future for everyone.
- John Halligan, father of Ryan Halligan
About Ryan’s Story
This reflection on forgiveness after bullying is part of the message John Halligan shares through Ryan’s Story, honoring his son, Ryan Patrick Halligan. His school assemblies address bullying, cyberbullying, empathy, and suicide prevention.
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