You Are Loved Beyond Belief. Please Ask for Help.

Lesson 2 of Four Lessons from Ryan’s Story

By John Halligan

In my recent post about forgiveness, I wrote about how it helped me move forward after losing Ryan. This time, I want to share another lesson I leave with students at the end of my presentation.

If you are struggling, please ask for help. You do not have to face it alone.

I speak those words as a father who wishes he could have another conversation with his son.

There is so much I would want to say to Ryan. I would want him to know how deeply he was loved. I would want to listen to everything he was carrying, including the things that were hardest to say. And I would want him to hear this: We can ask for help together. You do not have to figure this out by yourself.

I cannot have that conversation with Ryan. But I can bring that message to the students sitting in front of me.

You are loved beyond belief.

I know those words may be difficult to believe when you are hurting. You may feel alone even when other people are around. You may worry that someone will dismiss what you say, become upset, or fail to understand. You may have tried to talk before and felt unheard.

You still deserve to be heard. You still deserve help.

You do not have to wait until things get worse. You do not need a perfect explanation. You can begin with a few honest words: “I’m having a hard time, and I need help.”

If you are thinking about suicide, say that clearly to a trusted adult. You can say, “I’m thinking about suicide, and I need your help staying safe.” That adult might be a parent, school counselor, teacher, nurse, coach, or another responsible person you trust. If saying it out loud feels too hard, write it down or show them a message. If the first person does not understand or respond, please tell another adult. Keep asking until someone helps you connect with the support you need.

Asking for help can feel frightening. It can also be the beginning of something different. You do not have to see the whole way forward before taking that first step. Let someone stand beside you while you take it.

This message matters when you are worried about a friend, too. Listen. Take what they say seriously. Help them tell a trusted adult, even if they ask you to keep their thoughts of suicide secret. You can care deeply about a friend and still need an adult’s help. You are not expected to handle a crisis on your own.

For parents and educators, there is another part of this lesson: We need to make room for those difficult conversations.

When a young person reaches out, thank them for telling you. Listen without judgment. Take their words seriously and help them connect with qualified support. Keep checking in. A child should not have to wonder whether their pain is important enough to bring to us.

That is why this message belongs at the close of Ryan’s Story. I want students to leave knowing who they can turn to, and believing that asking for help is something they are allowed to do. I want the conversation to continue at school and at home.

I cannot change what happened to my son. But I can keep telling young people what I wish I could tell him again.

You matter. Your pain deserves care. There are people who want to help you through it.

Please tell someone. You do not have to carry this alone.

John Halligan, father of Ryan Halligan

For schools and families

To learn more about bringing Ryan’s Story to your school, visit the student assembly page or check my presentation schedule.

If you need help now

If you might act on thoughts of suicide, go to a trusted adult or another safe person now and seek emergency help immediately. Stay with someone while you get help. Parents and educators can also find guidance from the National Institute of Mental Health on supporting someone who is having thoughts of suicide.